literature

Live-Fire

Deviation Actions

SgtPossum's avatar
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Literature Text

We knocked him out of the sky with the first shot. I couldn't believe it; our missile went straight up and arced along the edge of a cumulonimbus, and from the ground it was impossible to tell if it was anywhere near the target. There was a flash of green light in the sky and the CO cried out "gotcha!"

I rode in the turret on the lead Humvee, sweating bullets and barely able to exercise trigger discipline when we got a visual on the target's crash site. The storm front was passing over now, and a torrential rain came down on the farmer's field where our convoy pulled off the road and gathered round a crater. It was a deluge, truly fitting what we had done, and most of the platoon dismounted from their vehicles and descended the crater. I stayed on my gun, providing cover that I knew wouldn't amount to shit if our target was still breathing.

They brought in a stretcher and a moment later carried out the body. It smoked and smelled vaguely of...well, all I can say is it smelled green. You couldn't recognize the man it had once been, our protector gone rogue. They loaded him into the two-and-a-half-ton cargo truck, the MLVW, and had the convoy reform on the road. By now the storm had turned it to a mud lane, but we four-byed it all the way back to base.

I got out from behind my gun not long after we parked by the missile launcher that had brought him down. My legs felt weak, I was having a real hard time of it. It seemed perverse, to celebrate what we'd just done, but already the booze and music was being broken out. Our CO slapped me on the shoulder with a big grin. His bald head shone in the rain.

"C'mon, son, let's see a smile. You should be proud of this moment--we finally completed a combat test of the world's first surface-to-air Kryptonite missile!"
A super-duper weapon's test.
© 2016 - 2024 SgtPossum
Comments7
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RogueMudblood's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

It's certainly an interesting snippet, something I would expect as a prologue to a longer tale. Given the recent storylines in the new "Supergirl" TV show, I could definitely see this as something they would attempt to develop.

But there is something I'm intrigued by in what you've written:
You couldn't recognize the man it had once been, our protector gone rogue.
This is what really makes me feel as though it's a small snippet of something much larger. It's hard to imagine Superman betraying the human race after fulfilling the role of its guardian for so long. But it would be an intriguing look into the dark side of things - and would it be as they perceive? There's the question....

One thing I would like to mention, with respect to technical aspects, is that you use some terminology that might not be familiar to every reader. We can certainly understand "CO" as "commanding officer" if we've watched any JAG or NCIS at all. (Those of us old enough to have been in the theater when "A Few Good Men" was released may even remember it from that. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt=";)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="387" title=";) (Wink)"/>) But "four-byed" is something that not everyone will recognize. (I certainly don't.) I only point it out because it will jar the reader out of the story, causing them to pause and wonder what your meaning is rather than enjoying the story you're trying to tell.

Other than that, though, I think you did a marvelous job creating a setting that could definitely lead to a longer piece. Thanks so much for sharing!