Lost in Translation

"Hello," a standard human greeting, happened to be a way of expressing that all Tornax were born of questionable parentage. Their standard greeting, "Cocksucker," happened to be a way of expressing that the human subject engaged in excessive fellatio with other species. Fortunately, both races were completely understanding of one another during first contact, each well aware that the other had no way of realizing this before the fact.

However, it is a constant source of contention, as humans insist upon greeting Tornax with "hello," and the Tornax refuse to defer to any other salutation than "Cocksucker." Matters were further complicated when the Duchy of Maternalfornicaters (typically spelled Matrn'al Furnicutres) entered into this burgeoning galactic community. No sooner had this bizarre coincidence been pushed to the wayside for proper diplomatic and cultural exchange to begin than a species which spoke almost entirely in words that seemed to be compound English profanity (the noble and elegant Felch) demanded it have an audience in the galaxy.

Ultimately it was found that all species in the galaxy had some major aspect of the culture that was offensive when described in English.

The subject is constantly investigated. However, recently-uncovered granite slabs on 387 Imhotep may hold the answer. They tell a prophecy of a particularly obnoxious, dull-witted race of primate-analogues ascending to the stars and attempting to communicate as noisily with other species as possible. The prophecy has a list of linguistic decrees, the preamble of which would seem to indicate that they are meant to confuse and irritate the primates as much as possible. Unfortunately, the remainder of the slabs have not yet been recovered.

Needless to say, upcoming discussions at the Archaeological Center on Allhumanslikehorsedick will be very interesting, indeed.