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Literature Text
It's been a while.
Used to see you a lot, in daydreams and the less-organized poetry I wrote. You were always there to talk to me, to keep me company on those long, bored nights at my basement desk. Every few seconds you'd change shape and gender and appearance, but the personality was always the same. So warm, so friendly, so kind.
So many possibilities
What may have been.
The voice that I created for you is what I remember the most. Androgynous yet natural, and always calm. When no one else would do, when not a soul in this world would understand me, I could always go back to you and my head would clear. How you did that is beyond me—maybe it was the anticipation I felt waiting for you to truly come along.
I guess I should be glad
That you were never to be
And that life could go on as usual.
Someday I plan to create a bond, a real bond, I mean, with someone just like you. It was…different. I felt for you in a way similar to how I feel for my lover. But you're not the same. You are a part of me. You were a part of me. I loved you, and yet I could never meet you.
You could've messed things up,
You could've ended my childhood right there
To say nothing of Her,
Who was very nearly destroyed.
Should I be grateful for that? Should I be glad that you and I never locked eyes in reality? I suppose I should. I've been told I was cut a lot of slack when It happened. In a way I am—I never want to feel that fear again, the fear that I would betray you. The fear that I just couldn't do it right. It happened, and normality returned. But She will never be the same, not until we get our real chance.
She still has that sad gleam
That veiled tear
For you.
She is stronger than I, though,
To have survived that ordeal.
I will have you again, someday. And I will love you the same then as I do now within the recesses of my mind. We will be ready for you when that day comes, though.
I will not betray you then.
Used to see you a lot, in daydreams and the less-organized poetry I wrote. You were always there to talk to me, to keep me company on those long, bored nights at my basement desk. Every few seconds you'd change shape and gender and appearance, but the personality was always the same. So warm, so friendly, so kind.
So many possibilities
What may have been.
The voice that I created for you is what I remember the most. Androgynous yet natural, and always calm. When no one else would do, when not a soul in this world would understand me, I could always go back to you and my head would clear. How you did that is beyond me—maybe it was the anticipation I felt waiting for you to truly come along.
I guess I should be glad
That you were never to be
And that life could go on as usual.
Someday I plan to create a bond, a real bond, I mean, with someone just like you. It was…different. I felt for you in a way similar to how I feel for my lover. But you're not the same. You are a part of me. You were a part of me. I loved you, and yet I could never meet you.
You could've messed things up,
You could've ended my childhood right there
To say nothing of Her,
Who was very nearly destroyed.
Should I be grateful for that? Should I be glad that you and I never locked eyes in reality? I suppose I should. I've been told I was cut a lot of slack when It happened. In a way I am—I never want to feel that fear again, the fear that I would betray you. The fear that I just couldn't do it right. It happened, and normality returned. But She will never be the same, not until we get our real chance.
She still has that sad gleam
That veiled tear
For you.
She is stronger than I, though,
To have survived that ordeal.
I will have you again, someday. And I will love you the same then as I do now within the recesses of my mind. We will be ready for you when that day comes, though.
I will not betray you then.
Literature
Love
Kiedy czujesz woń bezduszną utoń w niej,
bo serce potrzebuje tego nie głowa.
Ty nie kochasz tej miłości sercem,
ty jej nie rozumiesz.
Pozbądź się ciężkości,
pozwól sobie na to co najgłębsze.
A dojdziesz do miejsca w którym zrozumiesz...
Że miłość po prostu jest.
Wiersz mojej koleżanki. Pozwoliła na publikację. B.G.
Literature
Rombos
por Romy Lara
El aire gélido se coló en la habitación y alborotó los papeles minuciosamente acomodados en el escritorio. Tronándose los nudillos de la mano izquierda, Julio se incorporó y cerró la ventana de un golpe. Afuera el cielo se caía pedazo por pedazo. Reacomodó el desorden que se había hecho en su mesa de trabajo, colocando cada documento en su lugar: los de etiqueta amarilla en la carpeta amarilla, los marcados con verde en la papeleta verde y así consecutivamente con cuatro colores más.
Procedió a sacar un cuaderno de portadas negras de su
Literature
Komorebi
In my dream
I opened my eyes to see
a light among shadow
catch a glimpse of my face,
peeking through cracks
of evergreen shade.
Brown eyes shining gold
peering down at me,
long hair tickling my skin
soft lips caressing mine.
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This story's initials are Baw, which is kind of an interesting coincidence, given that I poured my emotions into this piece.
© 2010 - 2024 SgtPossum
Comments20
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Overall
Vision Originality
Technique ImpactThis is a really interesting piece. I particularly like the switchbacks between prose and poetry. I think the subject matter is something that all writer's can relate to: creating that perfect character, that one you want to meet in real life but never do. There is, however, some stuff that could be improved upon, I think. I'll give you some suggestions, but remember, take my advice with discretion. These are simply suggestions and you are in no way obligated to follow or agree with them. I'll go through the piece by section, detailing what I liked/what worked, and what might need improvement. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="
" title="Heart"/> The first paragraph provides a really strong opening. "It's been a while," is a cliched phrase but you use it to great effect here, and the prose paragraph that follows is grabbing. The very direct tone is very effective as well. I like that you wrote "Used to see you a lot," instead of "I used to see you a lot." It gives the piece this great conversational tone, as if you're chatting with the person you've created. Well done.
The third paragraph, however, seems just a touch confused, though this is mostly because of wording. The first sentence ["Someday I plan to create a bond, a real bond, I mean, with someone just like you"] is very clunky. This comes from the interjections. I think, perhaps, removing the "I mean" would make it read much better.
The 4th and 5th paragraphs, and the poetry that accompanies them are also somewhat confusing. Before that, I have a very clear vision of what you are talking about. But with the introduction of "Her" and "She" things become much less clear. Additionally, I was left wondering what sort of betrayal had happened. Now, this sort of ambiguity can work in certain instances, for sure, but here it just sort of left me confused and caused the piece to end a bit oddly and perhaps too quickly. Perhaps elaborate a little more on who "She" is. You don't have to reveal anything directly, but flesh it out a bit.
I think you've laid down a really solid idea here, and the piece is already very good, but with a little more tweaking you could take it up a few notches. All in all, though, a wonderful piece to read. I very much enjoyed it. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="38" height="15" alt="
" title="Hug"/>